Posted by [MG]Gambit on August 14, 1997 at 07:02:01: DOUBLE WINNER Hail all and behold! I come to thee speaking of great wisdom that has been bestowed on me by the great enlightened one above! This revelation of utmost undeniable truth came to me as I worshipped the great porcelain toilet god after expanding my mind with the help of a few sheepers and a bottle of Goldschlauger. As I hung there over the bowl, contemplating life, liberty, and that ever present brown stain on the bottom of the bowl, a bolt of clarity stuck me so forcefully that I was forced to burp out loud in amazement! I realized the truth that had eluded me throughout all these years: IT'S ALL PAULS FAULT!! The ramifications of this hit me just as Knockmore opened the bathroom stall door too fast and whacked me on the noggin. As I fell with a splash into the toilet headfirst, I contemplated all the things that were now changed. No longer would I fret over a lost match or a bad connect, cause IT'S ALL PAULS FAULT! Nevermore would I claim responsibility for my mistakes, cause IT'S ALL PAULS FAULT! That match I lost last week against a newbie? PAUL'S FAULT! As I bobbed amongst my twice warmed dinner in the toilet, I also realized that these deeds were not limited to the online world, but extend to my entire life! All the mistakes I've made, all the bad luck I've had, all the beer that has been flat, and those = sales at the computer store I've missed have all been PAUL'S FAULT! All sense of personal responsibility for my actions flushed down the toilet just as Knock hit the lever. As the roar of the water assailed my increasing headache, I knew that I would have to spread this news far and wide, so that everybody could be as enlightened as I came to be. As I reentered the bar, tripped over Steels outstretched foot and fell to the floor knocking my self out cold, my last thought of consciousness was that I was going to have one heck of a hangover.....all thanks to PAUL!! Gabmit ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by DocHolliday on August 14, 1997 at 11:07:24: WINNER In Reply to: IT'S ALL PAULS FAULT!! posted by [MG]Gambit on August 14, 1997 at 07:02:01: Hey Gabmit, You missed a few: Global Warming, Deforestation, Smog, The Election of Bill Clinton, the UPS strike, Kenedy's assasination (Paul was the second gunman on the grassy Knowl =) Taxes, Inflation, Cancer, and Dislexia in relationships, Overtime, Winter, Summer heat, Rain, snow, hail, tornados, floods, earthquakes, lightning, and cyclonic winds, ALL PAUL's FAULT. Not to mention that every time you buy a computer there is something better the very next month for less cash. Paul is working with the Japanees on this one, trust me. Oh yea, that flat tire was Paul's fault as well as you not getting that last raise. I even heard Michael Jackson was Paul's Creation and then made your favorite band break up. Face it, Paul Your just killing all of us :^ /O (Ouchy I think I broke a nail, that's Paul's Fault too) DocHolliday ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by DocHolliday on August 15, 1997 at 04:21:49: OVER THE TOP QUADRUPLE WINNER In Reply to: Re: IT'S ALL PAULS FAULT!! posted by DocHolliday on August 14, 1997 at 11:07:24: More missed items: First, Paul Just caused the power to surge so that I would have to retype this entire thing. Paul You really stink. Ok, Paul Created Puberty, and Pimples. Paul then created Fatcells because he wanted all children to suffer for his amusement. He created the feelings if inadequecy, inferiority, and depression that torture all children. Paul Owns AOL ! ! ! Ladies, It is Pauls fault that men normally reach sexual satisfaction before you, and it is also Pauls fault that we like to go to sleep after. Paul is the guy who drives around hitting poor little defensless black Labbrador retriever puppies. He thrives on seeing their little happy faces turn to utter terror as they for the first time realize that they are going to die. He loves the look in their poor little blue puppy dog eye's as a small tear starts to form. He does this to cause pain and suffering in little 5 year olds who have gone to their first day at Kindegarten. They come home to play with their puppy only to get out of the bus and see pooor little rover splattered, but still bairly alive, wimpering in missery. He know's it is a sight that they will never be able to forget. Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. In the Begining There was Darkness, God Said Let there be Light and there was light, but PAUL was still lurking in the shodows and all through history has spread missery. Bear with me on this. Paul first official act was to convince Satan that God loved People more than he loved his angels. Paul LIED so well that God had to throw 1/3rd of the angels from heaven. This was all part of Pauls master Plan to bring into existance human sufferage. Pauls seccond official act was to convince Satan to lure Poor Eve to the Apple tree. He Taught Satan how to lie and decieve people for his own evil means. This is how PAUL Created Sin, and all of the Trials that God and Satan put all of us through on a daily basis. The next place Paul was seen was with David. Paul convinced David to send his most loyal servant out into an unwinable battle to be killed so David could marry his wife. That is how Paul Created Lust. The Village that God turned to Salt, that was Pauls Home town. Paul unfortunately wasn't home. Paul then Moved to Sodam and Gamorae. (where else do you think Sodamy could come from, Only a mind as twisted and evil as Pauls) Then moved to Egypt where he was close Personal aid to the Pharoe. Paul was able to cause much repression there, but Moses came and put an end to it, vexing Paul for alittle while, but in retalliation Paul infiltrated the Israelites and insited the Party and Idoletry that happend while Mosses was on the mountain getting the commandments. See, the commandments are actually Gods way of saying NO More Paul. Paul was Next Seen at the Crucifixtion. Paul Drove the Nails in Christs hands. Paul took a break, but turned up in Europe in the Middle ages, the MID_EVIL ages. Paul created those dark times, and planted the seeds for the Black Plague. Paul then Went to France, where he stopped the revolution that would have changed French life by over 600 years of democracy. Paul then invented the Gioteen. Paul told the Pope, Hey, Taxes are a good Idea, thus creating taxes. Paul then created the ROCOCO, putting an end to the Classical Reanesaunce. He did it again in the early 1900's to put an end to the baroque. Why infact Paul created Impressionism, Pastels for interior decorating and Dada in the early 40's, and all of that Abstract Impressionism of the 60s and 70's, but I digress Paul introduced the Indian nation to small pox, and Paul created milaria. Paul was the close personal tutor to: Hittler, He helped him write his first book, Lenin, and then, since Lenin wasn't Harsh enough, Paul brought in Stalin. Paul is responsible for all root canals. Paul also invented modern dentistry. Paul was the first Lawyer. Paul was also the first true Politician, and is responsible for feeding them all of the lies that they tell you and me. Paul created the Mustard gas used in the first world war, he then invested in Dupont making a fortune on chemical weapons development and weapons of mass destruction. Paul then started US involvment in Vietnam. Paul infact invented the human state of mind that caused war to begin with. Basically greed and rivalry. Those are Pauls doings. Paul is the one who killed the last Condor. Paul also stole your Prom date. Paul was the fat mean math teacher you had, and Paul was the bully who picked on you when you were 5. That ring that gets in your toilet bowl, Paul Puts that there. Paul is also responsible for the scumm that builds up in your bath tub. Paul is the one who puts holes in your suit while it hangs in the closed. Paul is the guy who comes over and breaks all of your stuff the day after the warrenty is up. Paul is responsible for allllll car salesmen. For kicks Paul started Bosnia. Paul is Sadam Husains father. Paul was driving the Tanker that Exon had crash in Alaska. Paul is the guy who dumps all of the toxins in the river's and makes needles wash up on the beach. Paul invented the O ring that caused the space shuttle to crash. Paul invented Baldness, and gray hair. Paul invented tooth decay also. read above under denistry. Paul also invented Bad Breath. Paul was at 3 mile island. Paul caused the Chicago fire. Paul was the little voice inside of Mandelos, Manson, and Jeffery Dommer's head. Paul is the voice inside of all twisted and evil minds because he was the first twisted and evil mind. Paul caused the police to beat the guy that cased the LA Riots. It's on Video. Paul was the guy who was using the knight stick. Paul was responsible for the Edsel, and the Yugo. Paul also causes rust, Look you car over good folks you'll see Paul at work first hand. Paul puts nails in your driveway. Paul is the gremlin that causes all airline fatalities. Paul caused the titanic to sink. That wasn't an Iceberg. It was an Ice boat Pioleted by Paul. Paul is in the minds of all supervisors and Bosses. Paul is the own who makes them so callus to human needs. You see, Look deeeeeeep into Pauls eyes. Inside there you will see the true meaning of all mans most vial, dispicable, and tainted thoughts. Look at Pauls head. You'll see that it is really 7 heads, and each has the number of the beast stamped on it. If you would cut one off it would grow back, because Paul is the AntiChrist. Paul is Satan incarnated into human form. Umm, I think that about sums it up. There is more, but here is a tip. It it is evil, painful, sad, or bad, then it is Pauls Fault. But it isn't really a fault, it is just Pauls way of bringing pain into your lives /O DocHolliday ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by DocHolliday on August 15, 1997 at 04:30:14: WINNER In Reply to: Re: IT'S ALL PAULS FAULT!! posted by DocHolliday on August 15, 1997 at 04:21:49: I forgot to mention, becaused Paul made me forget, Paul Caused the first 2 world wars, Plain and simple. Paul is feverishly working on getting the third world war going. LOL Paul so far you've failed to get that Thermal Nuclear War going. A warning to all who read. Paul's next really big act of aggression will happen in 9 years. Paul will bring about Peace in the Middle east. That will be the beginning of the Rapture, but it will finally spell the end of PAUL. The second coming is around the corner. Your day's are numbered PAUL ! ! ! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by (GZ)KingToady on August 14, 1997 at 21:26:19: DOUBLE WINNER In Reply to: Re: IT'S ALL PAULS FAULT!! :The NEW CONTEST posted by Paul on August 14, 1997 at 15:32:59: Forgive me if I'm repeating anyone else's, but I have a few bones to pick with Paul as well. First off, why does he have to steal every other sock out of my laundry until I have no matching pairs? When I was 12 Paul invented a biological weapon to kill my goldfish, and with an elaborate scheme of falsified evidence he fiendishly made it appear as if it died because I did not feed it! And don't forget decomposition... Paul is in fact responsible for decomposition, a lot of people blame that on bacteria but its not true. In fact, Paul is responsible for bacteria in general. Paul lures deer out into the middle of busy roads late at night, when he is not busy with crop circles and cattle mutilations. Paul bugged my phone and listens to my private conversations. Paul gave Jim Jones the recipe for Kool-Aid. Paul invades our dreams and gives us horrible nightmares. Paul brought about the fall of the Roman Empire. Paul is responsible for flatulence. Paul killed Bambi's mom. Paul swayed Anniken Skywalker to the Dark Side. Paul stepped on my foot. Paul "made my brain transparent". Paul needs help. No, I need help. We all need some serious help here. Yes, help. Right. Help me! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by (SRM)LtC Lucifer on August 14, 1997 at 20:12:42: WINNER In Reply to: Re: IT'S ALL PAULS FAULT!! :The NEW CONTEST posted by Paul on August 14, 1997 at 15:32:59: Thank the Lord it is Paul's fault. I have recently bought a new m/b and pentium II processor. Well this has created some unexpected difficulties. You see the only m/b's a pII uses are the ATX form factor. Well of course this requires a new case(AT and ATX cases are in no way, shape or form compatible ;). So I went down to my local computer store to purchase a brand spanking new ATX case. And much too my surprise they don't carry them. Hmmm, I thought to myself, i will just goto the competition. Hehe that will show them. So, I went back home and looked in the Yellow Pages for a place to call. Well fifteen places later, I finally found someone who could order me an ATX case that fit my m/b. Well, I am sure by now that anyone who is reading this far is saying to his/herself, well how is that Paul's fault? All it has been is a little inconvenience. AH HA I say to the doubters, here is where it is Paul's fault. I placed all the components in the new case: peripheral cards,memory, new processor, etc... and flipped on the power switch and...NOTHING. So here I sit with a new m/b and a new processor that are doing absolutely nothing because I have a power supply that does not work. This I say, must be Paul's fault. I will attempt to get this problem rectified on the morrow, but ...Sigh...will Paul strike again? (SRM)LtC Lucifer "pirates get all the chicks"(and if for some reason we don't...then it is Paul's fault as well) PS Did I mention that I had to disassemble my old computer then assemble by new, then disassemble my new, then reassemble my old to get on the net to be able to post this message? Once again... Pauls fault. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by [MG]Gambit on August 14, 1997 at 16:15:01: WINNER In Reply to: Re: IT'S ALL PAULS FAULT!! :The NEW CONTEST posted by Paul on August 14, 1997 at 15:32:59: : You guys suck!! Now I'm really mad!! How dare you guys say : this!! You didn't even mention that I am responsible for : dandruff! How could you have possibly forgotten that. You : old forget to mention I cause moldy bread and overexposed film. : Yep, last time you took that vacation and the pictures didn't : come out, that was me. Ooops!! sorry about that. : OK I'll award 20 points to the group that can come up with : the most creative thing to blame on Paul. The most foul : wretched chat post gets 20 points given to the group of their : choice. I'll even let those on the banned list play, just to : show I'm a good sport (sometimes!). So cut me down, knock me : down or knock me up (if you could). :) (Takes a deep breath) Global warming! Al Gore! Hairy armpits! Impotence! Belly button lint! Dry rot, wet rot and flesh-eating bacteria, e-coli, and don't forget sour milk! And finally, i blame you for not giving my group 20 points 'cause I had the original post! =P (Trying to squeeze some extra points any way I can) Gambit Clan Mongoose ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by Khan Jackal *KERENSKY* on August 14, 1997 at 17:36:54: TRIPLE WINNER In Reply to: Re: IT'S ALL PAULS FAULT!! :The NEW CONTEST posted by Paul on August 14, 1997 at 16:33:15: Ohmanomanomanomanoman....I am ROFLMAOWTIME. This is TOO much!!! Sheesh, I guess I have to get in on this too...here goes... divorce(he cheats with ALL of our wives AND/or boyfreinds), pain in my back (cuz he MAKES me sit in front of this darn comp all night), the holocaust (he WAS Hitler, ask anybody), the cuban missile crisis and the bay of pigs(used to be J. Edgar H's right hand man), pets mysteriously vanishing (he cheats with them too), AIDS (cuz of all his cheating), the impending invasion by alien forces (he is in league with them ALL I swear, I have the e-mail to prove it), car trouble(he builds design flaws into the car companies factory automation systems), bike trouble (yeah THEIR factories too), bad attitudes (cuz he is SUCH a lovable guy), the baseball, football, and hockey strikes, (he secretly PAID THEM ALL OFF), The valujet airlines and TWA crashes (he secretly placed the oxygen cannisters aboard), Bill Gates' rise to superstardom (cuz Paul wouldn't take the job), computer viruses (he invented them ALL), the homeless situation in america (he automates EVERYTHING and makes jobs unnecessary), INFOMERCIALS (yep HIS idea), the assasination of Martin Luther King (he just LOVES the southland), trash mags like the National Enquirer (he started them all), REAGANOMICS (he was Bush's best freind), Iran-Contra (then he buddied up to Ollie North, thus corrupting another fine upstanding citizen), STUPIDITY (cuz of all his inbreeding), the invention of CRACK (he accidentally mixxed his stash of cocaine up with ether-BINGO), ICE (he ran out of CRACK), The Oklahoma City Bombing (it was HIM), ISHTAR (check the credits), the cancellation of Scooby-Doo (YEP, HE invented the Power Rangers), long lines at the grocery store (he rigs their computers so the cashiers take TWICE as long), the toyz U never got for x-mas (he knocked off SANTA), WORLDWIDE HUNGER (he eats ALL the food in the fridge), the rise in teenage pregnancy (see above under PROMISCUOUS), crappy weather (see above under ALIENS), AL GORE DANCING IN PUBLIC (who do ya think his instructor was? YEP Paul again), and finally TIPPER GORE AND THE PRMC (he's sleeping with HER too). WHEEEEEWWWWWW!!!! Can I have my 20 points now?!?!?! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by Gamma on August 20, 1997 at 20:58:40: DOUBLE WINNER In Reply to: Re: IT'S ALL PAULS FAULT!! :The NEW CONTEST posted by Khan Jackal *KERENSKY* on August 14, 1997 at 17:36:54: ilKhan Jackal *KERENSKY* ^^^ Paul's faul no doubt...... *GAG*.... :) -Gamma, The unafiliated all-around map-guy ^^^^^ This too, now you all have to pay for his crimes. And it's also his fault that all these other posts are too long for me to read, so these have all already been covered by someone else. One last thing, it's Pauls fault that my ISP is charging me an extra $20 a month for being it's most visited site. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by [cbs]droopy on August 14, 1997 at 23:07:40: DOUBLE WINNER In Reply to: Re: IT'S ALL PAULS FAULT!! :The NEW CONTEST posted by Khan Jackal *KERENSKY* on August 14, 1997 at 17:36:54: ok well here goes: you (paul) are responsible for that build it yourself particle-board furniture that never has two of the same part, and you also put japanese, french swedish, chinese, russian, and farsi directions in the damn box but forget the ones in english! you are also responsible for making companies decide to have some assembly required and batteries not included in all their products. you (paul) are the reason no one in the baby boomer generation knows how to program a VCR clock (hes like big brother i tell ya). you (paul) made the beta max vcr tape obsolete (bastard i have 40 videos that i cant watch now!!!) you are responsible for all the carts at the grocery store that have the uneven wheels and the ones that only want to go the opposite way you turn them. you are the reason that i dont have a private jet, 3 mansions, 20 cars, a harem, and 1 billion bucks. you killed the dinosaurs (told you not to throw rocks in the solar system and look what happened) you made the bee gees the most popular band of the 70's and forced everyone to wear bell bottoms and hang out in disco bars. i am still hating you for that. you are responsible for the rapid spread of scabies, syphillis, gonoreha, and hepatitis (all known strains). you made sonny and cher stars. you are responsible for slavery. you are the reason that no one can make a movie without creating 10 sequels that are 50 time worse than the original. you make people illiterate. the 8 track was your idea. and last but not least YOU KILLED ELVIS YOU DIRTY )@(#@$!*$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you, [CBS]Droopy Clan Black Sheep ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by [DCM]ChaosCreat on August 14, 1997 at 21:05:05: In Reply to: Re: IT'S ALL PAULS FAULT!! :The NEW CONTEST posted by Khan Jackal *KERENSKY* on August 14, 1997 at 17:36:54: And THAT is why it is all of his fault for the great clan merger controversy...he was so busy doing all of this other stuff he didn't check his mail! ROFLMAO R [DCM]ChaosCreat (and the car company thing explains my transmission leak, thanks for clearing that up!) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by [DCM]ChaosCreat on August 14, 1997 at 10:53:36: WINNER In Reply to: Re: IT'S ALL PAULS FAULT!!: Yep it is!! posted by Paul on August 14, 1997 at 08:58:39: Hmmm. I can't see blaming Paul for my hangovers, but I WILL blame him for all of the looooong rounds on all of those friggin high grav planets. And maybe for the Transmission leak on my truck too, just to be safe. (ROFL) R [DCM]ChaosCreat ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by Paul on August 15, 1997 at 08:24:24: OK after reading these, I think it is only fair to raise the stakes to 2,000,000 points, but since I am unfair, I'm not doing that. ;) I will however raise the stakes to 2000 points and award multiple prizes. I think I already see 3 or 4 winners posted. Paul ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by (SY)Chilliman on August 17, 1997 at 23:28:06: WINNER In Reply to: The Stakes are Raised AND IT'S ALL PAUL'S FAULT posted by Paul on August 15, 1997 at 08:24:24: It's all your fault that i don't have a grl ... and i have to move to good forsaken australia and i have to move back home and my mom makes me clean my room and i have to repeat the first 2 years of university again because of administration bungility It's all your fault paul it's all your fault booohooohooo ..... boohooohooo ..... i want my mommy ... boohoo hooo .... i WANT my mommy .... waaaaaa!!!!! waaa!!!!! it's all your fault that the world is round and i have to eat my vegies and my butt is itchie from poison ivy and my IQ is low and my love life sux cecause i have to leave my beloved country to come to this land of loserville boohooohoo .... boohooohoo ...i want my mommy ...boohoohoo ... I WANT my mommyyy ...... WAAAAA!!!!!! .... ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by Khan Titan Kerensky on August 15, 1997 at 17:33:40: WINNER In Reply to: The Stakes are Raised AND IT'S ALL PAUL'S FAULT posted by Paul on August 15, 1997 at 08:24:24: All the other things already posted are true; it is Paul's fault I did not get to post them first. It is Paul's fault there are fire ants in the back yard. It is Paul's fault that there are Macintoshes. It is Paul's fault that we have Bill Clinton as President. Abortions are his fault. It is his fault that Larry Niven has not yet written the sequel to Protector (which was written 15-20 yrs ago). It is HIS fault that FANTASY books get put in the same section as SCIENCE FICTION. It is his fault that I get bad connections and often cannot get on Kali. It is HIS fault that my computer does not have much memory left. It is HIS fault that I forgot everything else I was going to post. Khan Titan Kernsky fo Caln Snow Pahtner /|\HIS FAULT THAT HAPPENED | | ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by Khan Titan Kerensky on August 15, 1997 at 17:42:15: WINNER In Reply to: iT'S ALL PAUL'S FAULT posted by Khan Titan Kerensky on August 15, 1997 at 17:33:40: : All the other things already posted are true; it is Paul's fault I did not get to post them first. It is Paul's fault there are fire ants in the back yard. It is Paul's fault that there are Macintoshes. It is Paul's fault that we have Bill Clinton as President. Abortions are his fault. It is his fault that Larry Niven has not yet written the sequel to Protector (which was written 15-20 yrs ago). It is HIS fault that FANTASY books get put in the same section as SCIENCE FICTION. It is his fault that I get bad connections and often cannot get on Kali. It is HIS fault that my computer does not have much memory left. It is HIS fault that I forgot everything else I was going to post. : Khan Titan Kernsky fo Caln Snow Pahtner : /|\HIS FAULT THAT HAPPENED : | : | It is Paul's fault I forgot to post these. It is HIS fault that the I it iT's ALL PAUL'S FAULT is not capitalized. It is his fault that the image on previous message will not load and the link will not work. Darth Vader's death is his fault; so is the delay of the next Star Wars movie. It is his fault that someone on this board misspelled Anakin Skywalker's name. It is HIS fault I have write this post. KHAN TITAN KERensky What do you know, it is his fault I held down the shift key! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by NC-Mr.Pibbleton on August 15, 1997 at 11:30:43: OVER THE TOP QUINTUPLE WINNER In Reply to: The Stakes are Raised AND IT'S ALL PAUL'S FAULT posted by Paul on August 15, 1997 at 08:24:24: Paul, you bastard, its your fault I have a hairy back ! its your fault I can't pay my electrolysis bills, its your fault that I've been confused with bigfoot 8 times this month, its your fault that some wacko from idaho tried to put a tracking collar on me, its your fault that pee wee herman was caught masturbating in a porno theater, its your fault that my dog has genital warts now, its your fault that they have those mysterious white balls in hot dogs, its your fault that the swedish woman's(thank god there isn't a men's bikini team) has never dropped by my house. Its your fault that all my cousin's invisible friends got brutally murdered by my uncle and his invisible shotgun its all your fault that gas prices keep on rising, its all your fault that potholes exist, its your fault that calvin and hobbes is no longer in print(I'll get you for that, oh yes I will !) its your fault that my boss at work couldn't find his ass in the dark with a flashlight and instructions, its your fault that that my dog humps pillows, it your fault that my dog also humps blankets, stuffed animals, dishrags, the dust buster, and sleeping bags, its your fault I have lockjaw and can't yell at you anymore, the drool maybe more annoying, but its just not as witty, its your the lines in the dmv are so long its your fault that postal workers are always going ballistic, its your fault that the mascot for the nova cats has yet to be housebroken its your fault america lost the war of 1812, by rights we should own canada too ! its your fault that bell bottoms are no longer popular its your fault that my grandpa makes me buy depends for him, its your fault that elvis is dead, that he doesn't haunt graceland, and that aliens did not clone him ! Its your fault that english isn't the only language in the world, its your fault british food sucks, its your fault old people drive slow, its your fault america doesn't have a national everyone get naked day, its your fault that kibble and bits doesn't taste as good as the commercials make you think! its your fault ellen degeneres is a lesbian, its your fault that roseane barr isn't a lesbian, its your fault I'm not a crime fighting bishop who knows kung fu and has a sidekick called "alter boy" its your fault people think you can get diseases from kissing toilets, and are not worrying about why they are kissing toilets in the first place ! its your fault that few people know you are really cerebro, its your fault that saturday night live sucks now, its your fault that silencer can't get a date, it your fault that there are way to many male flashers running around its your fault that there aren't enough female flashers running around its your fault that the new fake fat causes anal bleeding, its your fault that tofu tastes like crap, its your fault I'm running out of ideas, it your fault my victims were able to track me down, its your fault I had to shoot the hostages, its your fault that stamp prices are on the rise, its your fault that the walls are laughing at me, and not with me ! its your fault that 60's style musicals involving at least one character called "the acid queen" aren't more common ! its your fault everytime someone steps on a crack, I have to break their mother's back, and rob the house, cause I am really behind schedule on this little project ! its your fault that hitler looked a lot like charlie chaplin, its your fault they can't all be gems its your fault that a bunch of nuns beat me up, its your fault my shotgun jammed during the robbery, its your fault that silencer is making me hold back the really nasty crap about paul, its your fault the witnessess disapeared before they can testify, wait nevermind, I did that one =) its your fault I killed 24 people due to a defective straight jacket you obviously made ! its your fault that no one appreciates or understands my interpetive dances its your fault that the corpses in my basement never have anything positive to say to me ! its his fault on star trek everything has to do with tachyone pulse emissions ! Its your fault that ricardio is the father of angelina's baby on general hospital, and that angelina is really ricardio's sister's bestfriend's cousin who has a hair lip ! Its your fault that my illegitmate children keep on finding me ! its your fault i'm not a international porn star, lord knows I have the drive and the talent ! its his fault that my butt only itches when people are around ! Its his fault that aliens went and stole my memories so I can't blame paul as much as I should ! Sincerely, Mr.Pibbleton ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by DocHolliday on August 15, 1997 at 10:21:13: WINNER In Reply to: The Stakes are Raised AND IT'S ALL PAUL'S FAULT posted by Paul on August 15, 1997 at 08:24:24: Yea Right, Paul You are so evil, how can we believe you. Oh, I'd like to personally thank you for making the Paint flake off of the hood of my 28,000 dollar truck this week, and for the masive Shopping Cart Scratch in the. side. It's only 2 months old! I'd also like to thank you for making the Dealership Put me in a NEON ! ! ! I Climbed out of my F-150 4X4 and stepped down into this Goat Cart they call a car. I actually have to Look up to see into a Yugo. I'll even bet you are responsible for the entire Subcompact Car idea. Oh, and Thanks for making the Dealership take longer than expected. I won't get it back till Monday, so the Rental is coming out of My Pocket for the last 2 days of it. I can't believe I actually have to PAY to drive a NEON ! ! ! Paul You again show you are the AntiChrist, and I am Jobe. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRG. Errrrrr. Have You no Decency? Even God takes a day off each week. /O DocHolliday ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by [DCM]ChaosCreat on August 15, 1997 at 09:10:02: DOUBLE WINNER In Reply to: The Stakes are Raised AND IT'S ALL PAUL'S FAULT posted by Paul on August 15, 1997 at 08:24:24: Ok, this is the ultimate wrong. Nothing more evil or despicable can ever be laid at Paul's doorstep than this charge.... DANOCO is all Paul's fault!!!!!!!! heh heh R [DCM]ChaosCreat ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by [MG]Gambit on August 15, 1997 at 09:23:28: WINNER In Reply to: Re: The Stakes are Raised AND IT'S ALL PAUL'S FAULT posted by [DCM]ChaosCreat on August 15, 1997 at 09:10:02: : Ok, this is the ultimate wrong. Nothing more evil or despicable can ever be laid at Paul's doorstep than this charge.... : DANOCO is all Paul's fault!!!!!!!! : heh heh : R : [DCM]ChaosCreat No you fool! Paul IS DANOCO! They are ONE AND THE SAME!! Ever wonder why DANOCO posts almost as much as Paul on this board? Hmm? They are the same person! Either that or this drink is way too strong.... Gambit Clan Mongoose ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by HadesPrime on August 15, 1997 at 17:00:52: TRIPLE WINNER In Reply to: Re: PAUL .... DANOCO???? posted by Zor on August 15, 1997 at 14:06:39: ahhh I will have to add one short Pually to this all (hehe a Paully) ITS ALL PAULS FAULT THAT IDIOTS LIKE YOU POST TO THIS BOARD . HadesPrime : Paul is responsible for CBL being on TKZ so long when they : never had enough members!!! Oh, wait, were we supposed to : be making these up to win? : Zor ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by [CBS]Droopy on August 15, 1997 at 09:19:57: In Reply to: Re: The Stakes are Raised AND IT'S ALL PAUL'S FAULT posted by [DCM]ChaosCreat on August 15, 1997 at 09:10:02: (Spits beer all over monitor) roflmao holy zark we have a winna! give the man a ceeeegar! dude that one takes the grand prize man congratulations. heehehe [CBS]Droopy ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by EagleOwl on August 16, 1997 at 19:48:05: WINNER Yep. You read the subject right. It is all Paul's fault. For what you ask? Well, the full explanation is a bit long, but the abridged version isn't bad. It does help if you have an understanding of the Chaos theory (specifically the butterfly effect) and Special Relativity though. One night, when having nothing to do, I got to thinking. What was it exactly that caused the Hubble telescope to have a faulty mirror? I decided to log onto the internet for the answer. As I got to searching, I found out that one man was the direct cause of it. No, it wasn't Paul. One poor Vietnamese worker, who was only getting payed $.12 an hour to work on the Hubble, sneezed. After that, the snot, for lack of a better term, hardened, and caused the mirror to deform. As I delved deeper, I found that it was pollen that had gotten in the man's nose, and caused him to sneeze. Odd, I thought. Pollen, in a clean room? I researched harder than ever now. I found that Paul had been working too hard and too late one evening. He worked so late, that he, without his knowing, caused space-time to destablize around him, and he got pushed out of temporal sync. What did Paul do while he was out of our temporal sync? Well, he stepped on a cockroach. The wind disturbance from this (similar to the butterfly effect) built up, causing a huge tsunami in Japan, several years ago (Paul was out of temporal sync). This tsunami stirred up some pollen. This pollen was then drawn through a wormhole (caused by Paul working late on a different night), to be deposited in the clean room (only semi-clean now), on the vietnameese worker, and that is when he sneezed. So that is how Paul hurt the Hubble telescope. Now, you may be saying, "So what, they corrected that." Yes, they did. But I can tie Paul in with other things throughout our history. Hitler, the Kennedy Assasination, William Shatner's lack of hair, the lack of new Babylon 5 shows. And I also did some calculations, the answers of which were frightening. If Paul, does not relax IMMEDIATELY, he may cause Bill Gates, yes, Bill Gates, to become ruler of the planet. If Bill Gates becomes ruler of this planet, then we all know who to blame. Just send many emails to Paul Sundling, saying, "IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT PAUL!!!". Thank you for your time. By reading this letter, you wave some of your US citizen rights, and you pledge your alliegence to the Anti-Gates infantry. Void where prohibited by law. Your rights may vary from state to state. Michael Mancini eagleowl@fls.infi.net ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by EagleOwl on August 18, 1997 at 20:05:47: WINNER In Reply to: IT IS ALL PAUL'S FAULT! posted by EagleOwl on August 16, 1997 at 19:48:05: Okay, I think it is Paul's fault for the Big Bang, and therefore, it will be his fault for the Big Crunch. He also is the one that caused black holes. And Paul was responsible for the Ice Age, which killed all the dinosaurs. Therefore, Paul is responsible for genocide, the mass murder of an entirely innocent species. I tell you, Bill Gates WILL become the ruler of the planet if Paul is not stopped. Michael Mancini eagleowl@fls.infi.net ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by EagleOwl on August 16, 1997 at 20:08:21: WINNER In Reply to: IT IS ALL PAUL'S FAULT! posted by EagleOwl on August 16, 1997 at 19:48:05: Whoops! I almost forgot. The broken patriot missles were Paul's fault, as well as those directions that were translated to english from japaneese. And I saved the worst atrocity I can think of for the last, next to Bill Gates ruling the planet. You know that itching, burning sensation between your toes? (a.k.a. athlete's foot) Well, Paul caused that one too. He actually was able to cause a large enough distortion to go to the Big Bang, and spread the bacteria causing athlete's foot. So we need to watch out, giant aliens composed of athlete's foot may be right now hurtiling through space towards us, to conquer us. I personally would rather have them than Bill Gates. I tell you, if he is not stopped now, Bill Gates will not only be your ruler but he will appear on your underwear too!!! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey yall, I just thought I'd let you know Paul now owns stock in Gerber knives. I've known and used Gerber Knives for all of my knife needs for years. Actually 4 out of 5 Psycho's perfer Gerber knives, however: My EZout TM Gerber knife is a problem. I'd recomend if you were thinking bout buying one that you not. Seems Paul talked to the design team at Gerber Knives and convinced them that the best way to put the rubber gripper strips was to cut a huge whole in the handle and leave a 1/16th by 1/16th inch square strip of plastic shrouding the rubber. The plastic ofcourse stresses and breakes, letting the rubber grip strip fall out and leaving half of the blade exposed when Closed. Buy a Spyderco for now. I'm currently talking directly with Gerber Knives to see if I can undo all that Paul has done. ;) couldn't resist Paul. Actually this is a true story, except for the Paul involvment, Hmmm, or is the Paul Involvment really happening. Anyhow, I hate buying something with a design flaw and wanted to pass on the info. Gerber is a quality product, but they missed the boat in the design of the EZout, and it is a crying shame. It is a wonderful knife except for that. /O DocHolliday -OH, COOOOL, WAR ON TKZ, ALL OUT WAR- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by [DCM]ChaosCreat on August 23, 1997 at 12:23:54: In Reply to: Knives posted by Holliday on August 22, 1997 at 23:08:33: I have a little Gerber pocketknife that I have had for over 20 years now, and it is still in good shape. Of course that was pre-......PAUL! Is there NO END to the man's evil schemes? hehehe R [DCM]ChaosCreat ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by KOOB121 on August 23, 1997 at 18:30:10: In Reply to: Re: Knives posted by [DCM]ChaosCreat on August 23, 1997 at 12:23:54: : I have a little Gerber pocketknife that I have had for over 20 years now, and it is still in good shape. : Of course that was pre-......PAUL! ******************** : Is there NO END to the man's evil schemes? ******************** Probably not..... (NWH)KOOB121 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Posted by TargetLoc on August 21, 1997 at 16:41:07: I'm not sure if the contest is over yet, but if it is, well some things just have to be said . Paul is responcible for all the "S" words: Spam: He discovered the secret formula for it while chewing on his genitals Bob Sagat: Why do you make the rest of us suffer with your ongoing funding for Americas Funniest Home Videos? StarTrek Voyager: COME ON! Let the show die in peace ok? Three shows are enough! I mean it reached its peak in The Next Generation. UPN doesn't need your suggestions! You've just gone and ruined a good thing! From the ever waiting to pay you back for what you have done.... TargetLoc ----------------------------------------------------------------------------